During my various episodes that I like to call “browsing the web”, I came across the humorous blog/gossip site called Gawker. The Gawker stands out among others mostly because it doesn’t give a shit about who/what it’s reporting/blogging on/about. Was that enough slashes for you, Mike?/?!
Ok, anyway, One of the funnier sections on the site is called “The Unethicist”. In this feature, an editor takes the same questions he finds on another periodical and answers it in his own special way. Here’s a sample post:
A consulting river scientist, I co-designed a bridge project to include creative use of plants and an elegant solution for handling floodwaters. The design won a major award I’m quite proud of. Some months later, I learned that a member of the awards committee may have been improperly influenced, although I cannot be certain. May I continue to list the award on my résumé? Steve Gough, Murphysboro, Ill.
Your problem is common enough, Steve, and the solution is poetic. Find a serene, untouched stretch of river somewhere. Design the most beautiful bridge the world has ever seen, with shimmering suspension cables held in stunning arcs between the soaring anchor towers. Give the stonework the kind of craftsmanship no longer found in modern construction, and landscape the shorelines along each side of the river to speak to the meditative beauty of the natural world. This will be a great opportunity to express the transformative power of man’s union with nature, not a brute conquering of the world, but a way to live in it. Include creative use of plants and an elegant solution for handling floodwaters.
When this work is done, climb out to the crest of the bridge, stare out at the glorious view afforded only by elevation over water expanses, take a deep breath, and throw yourself in that fucking river and drown to death. You are boring.
Then again, unlike other popular adviceicists, I don’t have an Emmy for work I didn’t even do on an episode of Late Show with David Letterman to gratuitously mention in my responses for no reason at all, so you might want to get a second opinion. I’m still pretty sure no one gives a fuck about your resume, though.
Ah, good times…good times. I still stand by my post title…The internet has gotten rather boring.
Oh, one special note…The site may contain articles that are NSFW…if you don’t know what that means, I seriously question how the hell you got to my site in the first place…